i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
