The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
