hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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