so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
