3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
