Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My vagina is officially offended.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
