$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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