And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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