:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
