Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
