I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
