pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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