Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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