You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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