So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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