remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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