It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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