So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
