bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
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He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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