I just made out with a guy for $7.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
