That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
