she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
