and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
