So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
