I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
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my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
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This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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