so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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