how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
