Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
