You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
