I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize