I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
