You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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