i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
