All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
