Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
