Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
