just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
