I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
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He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
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Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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