You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
