I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
