is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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