i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I am mentally ready for anal.
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