Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
