The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
