Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
