The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
