New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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