i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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