i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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