I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
