The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
