The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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