Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
