I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Two words: blizzard sex
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
