Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
