Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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