Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
