i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
