I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
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You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
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Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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