well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
