theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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