Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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