Got a toothbrush?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
