if you like me you must not know who I am
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
