I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
