God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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