All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
