found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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