I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
