i need an iv and a liver transplant
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
tell me about the fingering
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