They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You are a genius and a whore.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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