I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
