Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
