Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Someone signed my nipple.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
