the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
