I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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