it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
