I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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