saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
