At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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