I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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